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| By Mandi Once upon a time, three Mojo Lions had a nice cabin in the woods. There was a Daddy Mojo Lion, a Momma Mojo Lion, and a little Cub Mojo Lion. They were very happy in their little cabin and life was peaceful.  One morning, the Momma Mojo Lion called everyone to the breakfast table for their morning porridge. Daddy Mojo Lion took a bite and roared out “MY PORRIDGE IS TOO HOT! Woman what are you thinking!?! Trying to burn my tongue?” The Momma Mojo Lion didn’t like being talked to this way, so she smacked him upside the head and said “I told you it was hot, is it my fault you never listen?” The Baby Mojo Lion was traumatized by this and started to cry. So they decided to go on a family walk where they could walk a way from the situation and talk about their feelings in a more constructive manner. They were so distracted by the discord at the table and the Baby Mojo Lions continued crying that they completely forgot to lock the door and set the alarm. Unaware of their breach in standard safety protocol, they walked off into the woods. Now a cat-burglar was working in the neighborhood, and had already hit up the Tiger Family, the Panthers and even the Leopards. She had had her eye on the Mojo Lion home for quite some time. She was casing the joint when she saw all three Mojo Lions walk off into the woods. She quickly took advantage of this opportunity and snuck into the Mojo Lion Home. She was filling her bag with all of Momma Mojo Lions favorite jewelry, Daddy Mojo Lions high value baseball cards and Baby Mojo Lion’s piggy bank when she realized her blood sugar was dangerously low. So she wandered into the kitchen to find something to eat. She spied the bowls of porridge sitting on the table and thought that would be the perfect thing to get her going. Goldilocks the cat-bugler sat down in the Daddy Mojo Lion’s chair and took a bite. Big mistake! That porridge was just too hot. She would have tried to cool her mouth off with the glass of milk sitting there, but being lactose intolerant decided to pass. Goldilocks the cat-burglar moved over and try the Momma Mojo Lion’s bowl instead. Blech! That was just too cold! Nothing in the world is as nasty as cold, slimy, congealed porridge. She quickly spit that out. Now, at this point, Goldilocks is pretty sick of the bad luck with the porridge and is about ready to head to IHOP for a Rooty-Tooty, Fresh and Fruity breakfast with an endless pot of coffee, but she decide to try one last bite. This time, she grabbed the Baby Mojo Lion’s bowl. Wow, was that good. Momma Mojo Lion had made it just right, with a hint of brown sugar. Goldilocks at the  whole bowl. Now she was stuffed from eating a portion sized for a growing lion cub and needed a moment before she could haul off all of the loot. So she decided to sit down and rest, and check her email with their high-speed connection (Goldilocks only had dial-up, which is why she resorted to a life of crime, so she could afford a cable or dsl connection.) She sat down and the Daddy Mojo Lion’s desk, but he was a Mac User and she couldn’t figure out how to use the darn thing. So she moved on to the Momma Mojo Lions Laptop, but the battery was dead and she could not find the power cord. Then she saw the little PC in the Baby Mojo Lion’s study area and was able to check her email quickly. Suddenly, she started feeling very ill. Remember how Goldilocks is lactose intolerant? Well, unbeknownst to her, Momma Mojo Lion always made the Baby Mojo Lion’s porridge with extra milk. Goldilocks left her Hotmail page up on the computer and wandered into the next room. First she laid down on the Daddy Mojo Lion’s bed, but it was too hard. So she tried the Momma Mojo Lion’s bed, but it was too soft, and that would have made her back hurt. Then she tried the Baby Mojo Lion’s bed, and it was just right. He had a super cuddly down comforter and a really nice stuffed animal to snuggle with. In seconds, Goldilocks was fast asleep. No sooner than Goldilocks begins her REM cycle do the Mojo Lions come home. They had had a very productive talk, and Daddy Mojo Lion realized that it was hard work for his lioness to do all the hunting, take care of the baby and have a successful career as a merger and acquisitions lawyer who was going for partner. They were in the midst of discussing what steps to take next, when they realized that they had not secured the house. They walked into the kitchen and saw the breakfast table. Daddy Mojo Lion said “Someone has been eating my porridge.” Momma Mojo Lion took a look at her bowl and said “Someone has been eating my porridge.” Then Baby Mojo Lion started to cry and said “Someone has been eating my porridge and they ate it all up!” They went into the study next, and Daddy Mojo Lion said “Someone has been using my Mac!” Momma Mojo Lion saw her laptop was moved and said “Someone has been using my laptop.” Baby Mojo Lion went to his desk and said “Someone has been using my PC and now I have a coupon for Viagra!” Momma Mojo Lion quickly closed out of Hotmail, and the three cautiously moved towards the bedrooms. Daddy Mojo Lion saw that his pillow was moved, and said “Someone has been sleeping in my bed!” Momma Mojo Lion saw that her covers were pulled back, and said “Someone has been sleeping in my bed!” Baby Mojo Lion looked in his room and screamed “Someone has been sleeping in my bed, and she’s still there!” Then he started to cry because his bed was now infected with girl cooties. Now, Daddy Mojo Lion wanted to call the police and have Goldilocks arrested for being a cat-burglar. However, when Momma Mojo Lion found out about how Goldilocks was trying to put herself through medical school with no scholarship and a dial-up connection and only turned to a life of crime because of that, she felt sorry for Goldilocks – and then had a great idea. The Three Mojo Lions hired Goldilocks to be their nanny so Momma Mojo Lion could keep her career, and Goldilocks could complete school. They all lived happily ever after. The End |
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